i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
