TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
