waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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