another moral hangover. fuck.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I believe in your delicious
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
