Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
