So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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