Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
