New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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