I hope mine doesn't look like that
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
