I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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