what day is it and did you see me today?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
