one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
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