remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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