i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
