Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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