just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
