OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
