Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
