I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
