i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
