if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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