Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
