i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
