He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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