Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
