Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
