I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
