now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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