I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
My ass is underappreciated
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
