Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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