I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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