just come out here and I will go home with you...
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
