Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
