i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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