with your own penis?
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
