just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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