dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
