Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
