Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
