I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
