I love having hate sex.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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