No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
