I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
