moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
