2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I am midnight drunk by noon
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
