I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
