i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
