i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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