i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
