I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
